Coptic Dad & Mom

WE'VE MOVED! READ THIS ON OUR NEW SITE: CopticDadandMom.com!!!

Want to listen instead?


I want to thank all of you who took my survey. I was BLOWN AWAY by the number of responses I received, and I have learned SO MUCH. It is a very big deal for me that you took the time to do that. I have been writing here at Coptic Dad and Mom since early 2009, and I can't believe it took me this long to work up the courage to hear from you like this.

We're mostly women here, though some men did take my survey. We aren't all Coptic Orthodox--or even Christians--and we aren't all clergy wives--or even married. Yet we are deeply connected.

I remember vividly all the dark times I survived by writing here, and I am so happy to be on the other side of those days now. All of your encouragement and love have made a world of difference to me. When you're out in the storm and you hear the voices of loving people--no matter how faint over the crash of the waves--it gives you strength to hold on and to move forward. I feel so blessed that you have been there for me, praying for me, and I am paying it forward both through face-to-face interactions here in my world and through future posts in the online world. I'm really very grateful.

I am working through why I write and trying to understand for whom I write. I want to serve wholeheartedly, the way Christ loves, and the way you all have been there for me. I yearn to serve you better, to encourage you better, and to improve myself as a writer, as a servant, as a child of God, by listening intently to you.

If you would like to contact me directly, e-mail me at bloggingtasoni AT gmail.com. If you would like to join my e-mail list, you can do so here: Coptic Dad & Mom E-mail List.The first e-mail includes the behind the scenes stats from my survey!! (Don't worry--none of the personal writing will be shared in that way).

Get ready for changes--but I won't take away the one thing you all told me you valued most--my raw honesty. I will work to be me in everything I write, so you know exactly who you're hearing from.

P.S. You asked for video in a BIG way, and WOW that is scary. I am trying to work through the fear and figure video out... but WOW that's scary :D!!

P.P.S. I tried to find a picture that captured all of me. I'm also a professional photographer, so I had to fight the urge to "fix" myself in Photoshop. This is me. My trademark smile, my goofy self, the twinkle in my eye, the hair that just. won't. For some of you, this is your first time seeing me. For those of you who know me, what do you think? Accurate representation of moi?

I've been having trouble finding my voice lately. Or maybe I have just mastered the art of silence. It's not that I don't have anything to say, I suppose. It might just be that I am so wise now I can quietly look down on everyone else in my haughty zen wisdom (ha!).

It might be that I am feeling so insecure that I don't trust the words that come out of my mouth. Maybe I have just seen the futility of everything I have to say. I have no lesson I can teach. I speak to a friend one day about how important it is not to cause others to sin and turn to find him causing others to sin within the week. I try to teach myself not to judge others, and I find that I am unbearably judgmental of myself as well.

I cannot find the words to say that make everything right, that put everything right. I cannot form the advice that will save one person's life or another person's marriage. All is futile. Why try? Why not turn inward and shut everything else out?

Or maybe I am learning the art of emptying myself to allow God and His Holy Spirit to fill me and speak in my place. His words can save a life. His words can make right our wrongs and clean and iron out my overwhelming mistakes.

And, in the interim, there is a tentative silence.

I have spent the last two years or so coming to terms with my new life and my new role as the wife of a Coptic Orthodox priest. I remember the darkest moments, but they have become so faint to me now. This blog might be the only record. Even the scars on my heart that I thought were so permanent have faded. Looking back, I can see now God's embrace, His support, His plan. The unknown is so terrifying, but His light illuminates everything.

The very worst moments have now become good memories. I can't believe I am typing that. In the absolute lowest moments, we did the only thing we know to do and relied on God. And the moments passed in peace.

I didn't write about all of those moments. I didn't tell you, dear readers, about the time I thought we would be slaughtered in our beds. Or the time my mother went to the emergency room in critical condition, and I stood with my sisters in fervent prayer as tears drenched their faces ("Merry Christmas!"). Or the time I thought I lost my only two friends forever. Or all the other times.

It has been, without a doubt, an emotional roller coaster. I often felt tested and rarely passed, and yet God was with me through it all. I look back and laugh. Yes, I can laugh! How silly I was to doubt--even for those few hours--that God would care for us. Truly, five sparrows are sold for two copper coins, yet they are not forgotten before God.

So if we were sitting together over a steaming cup of tea, and you asked me if I would do this again, if you asked me whether I would give up my cozy Virginian life for the swamps of this tropical state, if you asked me whether it was worth it all to begin anew and feel so much confusion and pain, I would say, "Yes. Of course."

We didn't dedicate our life to God when we accepted the call to priesthood. We dedicated our lives to Him separately years before. Then we rededicated our lives to Him when we chose to form a family, to marry and serve before Him. And we showed Him again, in our feeble human way, our commitment to His will when we put aside our dreams of a bright future for the reality of a future set afire by His love. Fire burns. Boy, does it ever. But my life, I hope, is not known for stagnancy. I like to stick my heart in the immeasurable heat of the Divine Flame. Like a phoenix, I like to burn down to ashes and rise again in an explosion of color and feathers.

Batter my heart, three person'd God; for, you 
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend; 
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend 
Your force, to break, blow, burn and make me new.