I thought Divine Liturgy was a special time for prayer and worship. Now Divine Liturgy is just a test of my patience, perseverance, and endurance.
I have only been to four or five liturgies since having this baby, and I feel like it's been much harder than the first time around for various reasons. The first is that my new church, unlike my old one, has relatively few children in it. In my old church, there are usually about 15-30 crying children at liturgy; the number here is closer to two. In my old church, I had too many helpers: my mother, my grandmother, my mom's best friend, my aunt, my sisters. There was always someone to take over the soothing. Here, it's me and my daughter working our hardest and often just ducking out. There, no one noticed if I came in or went out or what time I arrived to liturgy. Here... I'm Tasoni. I'm sure more people than I'd like take note. And lastly, my son sleeps well at night and so, unlike his sister, doesn't use liturgy as nap time.
I can't expect to actually pray... and even to be in the sanctuary for any set period of time is too high an expectation.
That sounds really difficult. I went to a gathering of rabbinical students' wives recently, and having people watching was definitely a topic of conversation. It's hard to handle.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if there are people who would be up for holding the baby for a while for you? I know at my synagogue (which is, admittedly, full of small children and babies), there are lots of folks who are delighted to hold other folks' babies so they can focus on praying for a little, since for them/us, some time with a baby is a treat. I don't know what the culture at your church is like, though, around these sorts of things.
You know, I am sure there are people willing to hold the baby. I'm just... maksoofa (embarrassed). With relatives, it's easy to know that they'll give him back when they're tired of him or not take it personally if I want him back (I miss him, lol). But the women in my new congregation and I are still working out the borders of our relationships. After church, I"m lucky if I hold him for more than a couple minutes :). Everyone is very loving!
DeleteAnd as for being watched... I'm blessed that I can be pretty oblivious when I want to be and also that our congregation is incredibly understanding. One of my concerns, though, is how watched my children will be as they grow up: "If Abouna's kid does it..." It's amazing/frustrating (?) how clergy families get minor celebrity status in their communities. It's an ongoing adjustment, for sure.
So with you on this -- it's impossible to sit through church because of Daniel. What actually happens is that I watch Catholic liturgy on TV and Jon brings me the Eucharist.
ReplyDeleteDon't think I haven't considered this! My daughter has always been perfectly content sitting quietly next to me coloring for hours. Not sure how a male toddler is going to take it...
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