Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Some days I wake up, look at the pictures of the ordination and scratch my head, puzzled: "My husband is a priest?" It really hasn't hit me yet.
For a while there, I was trying to figure out a tasoni (priest's wife) job description. What does the position entail exactly? At first, no one could tell me, or worse I was getting conflicting messages.
Finally, one friend clued me in to the secret. Tasoni's job is to take care of Abouna, in whatever shape or form that takes. That's why I was getting conflicting advice!
If Abouna needs someone to keep track of his schedule, this becomes Tasoni's job. If he needs someone to drive while he practices his sermon or answers important calls, that becomes Tasoni's job. If Abouna is hyper-focused on the service, then Tasoni must make sure the kids and the home are not only taken care of, but a source of energy, stress-relief, love, and support for Abouna.
It doesn't make sense to compare the tasoni of one church to the tasoni of another. Just as all abounas are different, all tasonis are too. Her bosses are God, Abouna, and herself. Only they can decide what needs to be done and whether or not she's doing a good job at it. This tasoni needs to teach Sunday School to fill a service gap. That tasoni can't teach Sunday School because Abouna asks her for a different favor after Liturgy.
The job isn't one-size-fits-all, and it isn't static either. A tasoni with three kids under 5 will have a very different role when they are all full grown. The point is that Tasoni is an individual, just as every Abouna has different strengths and weaknesses. Insha'allah, I will find my niche, find my purpose within my new life.
Forgive me if this is a basic question, but I'm quite ignorant about your religious community, so far. When a priest takes a congregation (or is assigned, or is hired- whatever the procedure is), does the congregation assume that they're getting a priest, or a priest+wife team? There's a decent amount of tension between these two models in the Jewish community- and also among the wives of rabbinical students... (As I've said, my own considerations are different, since in any case, I will always have some of both roles...)
ReplyDeleteThat's a fantastic question, Maya, and part of the "conflicting advice" I mentioned above. I feel like you're absolutely on track when you say that there are two models. It really depends on a congregation's prior experiences (with past priests or the model used by neighboring parishes). For the most part, I think it's understood that they are getting a priest, and that, as Jen put it in her comment, the +wife part is icing on the cake.
DeleteThe fact is that if Tasoni is not taking care of Abouna, the service will suffer. If she gets into her own personal service too much and neglects the kids, the house, and all the little things that Abouna may need, the church will have a distracted/stressed/unprepared priest.
Our tasonis often have a full time job of their own, on top of the kids/house, and a service. I honestly don't think I have the brain power for all that, so I'm trying to take it one task at a time. Let's get the Abouna/kid/house part down, then worry about service and job.
Yeah, I've started being very intentional about letting new parishes know that my job description is basically to take care of my husband and now our son. (Our son is several full-time jobs because he's autistic and has some other developmental delays.) They'll see me on Sunday and major feast days, provided I'm not having a fibro flare and my son isn't sick. Anything else is frosting on their cake.
ReplyDeleteI think the most amusing thing I've encountered as a pastor's wife was a kid at church camp (a Lutheran church camp, mind you) asking if I was a nun when I replied that I was Pastor _______'s wife. It made me wonder if their pastor was unmarried or something.
Kids are HILARIOUS. Obviously the people who wear funny costumes must be together ;).
DeleteYou're spot on, Jen. I learned from teaching that one should start out "strict" and loosen up as the year goes on. I think that goes for a tasoni's service: start with none to minimal, add in measured bits. How else can we find balance?
We don't veil and the pastors don't wear clericals at camp so it's not like they can tell except that we're older than the counselors. It was just funny to hear that answer to my statement that I was a pastor's wife. (I have no issues with veils and head coverings -- it just isn't required for us.)
DeleteOh, lol, I didn't even mean real nuns... I was thinking Sister Act and Sound of Music nuns... non-nun tasonis don't wear head coverings either. I was literally thinking of kids' imaginary concepts of nuns... What do American Catholic nuns wear these days?
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ReplyDeleteAnonymous, please msg me again as I have lost your comment. In Christ, Tasoni.
DeleteHey Anonymous,
DeleteCheck your inbox. I'm always available and may God give me the wisdom to help you in any way I can :).