I recently had talking-to by a consecrated sister about how people should call me Tasoni (instead of my first name). It was not a lecture exactly because to be honest she was just stating her opinion (not knowing where I stand on the issue), but I still felt oddly reprimanded?
First, to clarify, a consecrated sister is a woman who devotes her life to Christ, remains celibate, but serves in the world (rather than within the confines of a convent). She is always called Tasoni. She has a uniform of light gray with a veil (like a nun's habit).
Her argument for why I should be called Tasoni was nice. She said that she feels a priest's wife should be called Tasoni out of respect for her position.
I... completely disagree.
Let me be perfectly straight with you here: I always called my tasoni "Tasoni" and not by her first name. She was almost old enough to be a Tante but not quite--so tante was not appropriate. And I take "tasoni" very literally. If I call you tasoni, it's because I think of you as a sister. But I don't believe you should call the priest's wife "Tasoni" automatically "out of respect for her position."
First, I have no position. Yes, Abouna and I are one. But there were no prayers said over me, no special blessings (a shame really :p). I did not get a promotion. That's why you don't call Tasoni "tamav" (mother)... Abouna is your father, but Tasoni is just your sister. Abouna and I are not on the same level in church hierarchy, and I don't say this out of jealousy but RELIEF! (THANK YOU, LORD!).
Second, plenty of people call the priest's wife "tasoni" and gossip about her behind her back. I call BS on this magical "automatic" respect. I don't want it. I would rather be loved than respected, and, if you respect me along the way, that's fantastic.
I'm a person. I make mistakes. I show up late to Liturgy sometimes often sometimes. It happens. I would rather you get close to me, get to know how I think, then respect or disrespect me after that--your choice. But at least I know that it's because of me and not because of some imaginary picture of me you put together up in the air somewhere.
I don't mind "tasoni"--especially if you mean "my sister." But--honestly--call me whatever you like. I'll respond.
Erm I have absolutely no authority on this subject at all, but "call me whatever you like" seems to be taking it a bit far ;)
ReplyDeleteLolll! What can I say?! I haven't had a nickname since I was three! I'm secretly hoping someone will come up with a cute one!
DeleteWholeheartedly in agreement.
ReplyDeleteI call our Abouna's wife "Tasoni"...I do it more as a sign of affection. I love our Tasoni; she's awesome. So it's more like a recognition of her sacrifice and my appreciation of her. But I see what you're saying about the whole position thing. It does sound a bit...distant I guess.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, I think what I'm getting at is there should be integrity. If you call her tasoni out of love and respect, then more power to you! That will show in your actual interactions. I guess part of what I'm saying is that what you do is more important than what you say. You can call her by her name and be disrespectful to her--that's not any better than calling her tasoni and still being disrespectful... And I don't mean respect as in "authority" respect; I mean as in Body of Christ--we are all One--respect. :)
DeleteI see what you're saying too! Yes what I do is more important than what I say, what's the point if I'm disrespectful. But to that I feel it's one of those "these you ought to have done without leaving the others undone." That's always the case. It's like when people say, "better to have a big heart than to fast and pray and be unkind, etc. Who said it's either or? You know? Should be both.
ReplyDeleteI guess what I'm thinking is...sometimes just being simple about things can lift a load. I tend to do that sometimes - over-think things. Maybe just be simple about it, not put too much weight in it? If people call you Tasoni out of respect, you respond. If people call you Tasoni who disrespect you behind your back, respond. If people call you, "hey you," respond (thought that'd be weird) :) At the end, you can never know what people are. All you know is your end, and what God would want from you. It's almost irrelevant at the end. But this is hard, and I know I haven't come close to this, so I apologize. Just speaking out loud.
I completely agree :). I only control me. Hence why telling me what people should call me doesn't work out... I don't control that, nor should I.
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