Monday, June 03, 2013
The beautiful thing about being married to a FOB* is that I get to engage in a strange cultural experiment.
When I keep my mouth shut and let my husband speak with his adorable accent, people assume I must not know how to speak English at all. They glance over furtively, instantly assuming I am ignorant and repressed somehow (If his English is so accented, she's got to be an idiot). I am shut out of the conversation, assumed not to understand.
I noticed it again recently as I tried to use a US Airways self-check-in kiosk. Unlike others I had used before, the passport swiper thingy was on the top instead of the bottom of the machine. A middle-aged white man came over to help. I don't know if I can accurately describe the experience. Let's just say he already had his "she's an idiot" attitude on, as though by swiping in the wrong place I could break the machine. "Ma'am! Ma'am! It's not like that!" Thank you, Lord, for my sense of humor. "Oh! Thank God! That is super confusing!" I said with a sheepish grin. And you could see him instantly relax (Ohhhh, she's one of us... phew! Not some crazy non-English speaker who will break the machine with her passport!). Kind of insulting. So I look "stupid," but I speak "smart"?*
Anyway, I have to admit I do something similar. When I perceive that the woman in front of me isn't comfortable speaking in English, I get all sweet and extra-patient (slightly condescending) and coddle her. I want to say, "I feel for you. I know how tough it is to catch on to a person's meaning when they're talking too fast in a language you're not 100% comfortable with. I felt that way 20+ years ago. We're the same, see?" But why can't we just treat all people with respect, not making any assumptions about them in the first place? Not changing our attitude based on how we think they are. Do you know that your FOB janitor has a nursing degree in her country? Don't get me started on that story...
It's not by accident that I majored in English. I like to beat people at their own game ;).
*I first heard this term from my Indian friends in college. Apparently, all immigrants have uses for this term, which means "fresh off the boat," i.e. a fairly new immigrant. Sometimes it can be used in a derogatory way, but it is, frankly, very useful. I chose to marry a FOB, so I'm pretty sure it's the best thing ever.
*How in the world did one's level of English speaking skills become equated with one's level of intelligence?! Can you imagine if the Germans judged me on my level of German speaking skills? #epicfail
I was really looking forward to the part of the story where you proceeded to speak in a panicked version of Arabenglish. Ah well, there's always next time I guess ;)
ReplyDeleteThis making assumptions on accents nonsense is just craziness.
I just don't think I could do it with a straight face, M. Besides, it's hilarious watching people backtrack when they see I can out-English them ;).
DeleteThere's something about how we mark ourselves. The Jewish community also used to mark newcomers to the US, "greeners" in Yiddish, seeing them as country-cousins.
ReplyDeleteNow, the labels most in use, in my own experience, are FFBs and BTs- the "frum from birth", who grew up observant, and "ba'alei teshuvah", meaning masters of return, who chose observant Judaism as adults. (Converts are another category.) It's another sort of origin-marker, but a cultural origin, rather than a physical location.
I love that idea of a cultural origin marker! I think the Catholics have some similar terms? Like "cradle Catholic." Maybe we need some Coptic versions... Hmm...
Delete