“You shall also make a plate of pure gold
and engrave on it, like the engraving of a signet:
HOLINESS TO THE LORD.
And you shall put it on a blue cord,
that it may be on the turban;
it shall be on the front of the turban.
So it shall be on Aaron’s forehead..."
Exodus 28:36-38a
The funny thing about being Abouna is anyone on the street can come up to you and say, "Hi Abouna!" In the distinctive robe and 3ema*, it's pretty hard to blend in. A person doesn't have to be from your church to recognize you. They don't have to be from Egypt or even be a Christian. If they've ever met an Abouna in their life, they will know you right away.
If a person is in a random foreign country and sees an Abouna across the street, he can just run over and say, "Hi! Where's your church, Abouna? I'm from such-and-such place." Actually, I've done that before. When Fr. Paul Girguis first joined St. Mark, D.C., a special event I followed carefully via the Internet, I saw him heading to check-in at Dulles International Airport. I did my power walk over and said, "Hi Abouna!" and then stood there awkwardly because poor thing he probably thought I was someone in his new congregation (which I wasn't at all) and, really, what does one say next? I still think it's an adorable thing to do :).
It happened twice to my Abouna recently. At an out-of-town graduation ceremony, three separate groups approached Abouna to say hi. The first was a young man from the local congregation who asked my Abouna where he served. The second was a Palestinian family. The third was an Ethiopian family who stopped their car in the parking lot to excitedly say hello.
Of course, the robe and the 3ema can have the opposite effect. As much as they mark you as beloved to those who understand, they mark you as a stranger to those who don't. We recently walked into a restaurant and, as usual, all eyes turned to the bearded man in black standing in the doorway.
My husband is an expert at dealing with being the "werido in the beardo," flashing his epic smiles right and left, disarming those who would see an enemy, pouring love on any embers of fear or hate. And it works. I can't go to the dentist, for example, without the hygienist spending the entire time talking about how wonderful my husband is and how blessed I am to have him (while I uh-huh through her fingers).
*Coptic priest's "hat"
Rabbis aren't particularly visible as distinct from other Jews- but observant Jews are visible- kippah, scarf/wig, modest clothes, etc. So we get a phenomenon that gets called "bageling"- people who come up and say or ask pointless Jewish questions, so that they have an excuse to identify themselves- thus, people who ask me about where to find a kosher bagel (the classic), or which synagogue I go to, when we haven't otherwise spoken at all. By being visible, we're being an identity reinforcement for them, or maybe making them feel awkward about not being visible, or maybe both. It's often both funny (the people don't actually care about where to find a kosher bagel, etc) and a little annoying (I'm in the middle of talking to a friend or my husband about something, or reading) and endearing/pleasing (how lovely, they are aware of how connected and the same we really are, even if I practice in a much more traditional way than they do).
ReplyDeleteIt was a pleasant thing for my morning to read this and find that your husband "gets" to have that same mixed experience.
I have this tendency to see clergy of any sort out in public in identifiable outfit and want to go say hello and compare stories- because while I know we won't be from the same background or even religion, there's so much support and fun and fellowship to be had by connecting to other clergy. I almost never say anything, though. I guess I don't want to be thought of as a bagel-er.
Bageling? Really, Maya. Haha... I love it. I really like the mixed feelings explanation. And yes, I didn't touch on the annoying aspect. But I haven't had to deal with it for very long yet, so I haven't gotten to annoyance yet.
DeleteYou know what? I think we need to get more courageous about reaching out in person. Sure, we're bageling... But life's not really about rushing from one place to another :). The moments of connection--in real life--count for a lot. (Of course, easier said than done... !)
It's sort of like being married to a celebrity, huh... A lot of attention, sometimes good, sometimes bad, depending on what they know ;)
ReplyDeleteHaven't hit paparazzi level yet :D! Thank God!
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